Renewing my faith. Renewing my mind.

All of my life, I have been raised in a church. I knew I SHOULD believe in God, but I couldn't weed through all of the doubts that filled my mind. There were SO many! I've often said that I'm not a heart person, I'm a head person. I don't think with my heart. I never have. I WANTED to believe there was an almighty being that was looking out for me. I WANTED to believe there was someone that loved me no matter what I did or said. No matter how bad of a child I was, this "GOD" would always care for me. Who wouldn't love that fantasy? As hard as I have tried, I've always struggled to have a relationship with God. My heart kept screaming that it was true. My head wouldn't listen. My head needs facts. Not faith. A mind can't have faith without convincing the heart, but a heart can't always convince the mind. 

While growing up, I've noticed there are a few different types of Christians. You have the "I have always believed, always will believe, and nothing will change my mind". Honestly, I wish I could say its been an easy road with God. Its been rough, to say the least. I cursed his name, blamed him for loss, and pushed as hard as I could to get away. 

There are also the "the bible says to believe" types. Yes, the bible does, but I can't believe every book I read. If that were the case, I think Katniss has some things to apologize for. ITS A BOOK! You can clearly see they don't FEEL the message. They interpret the message, but its like reading a high school biology text book. They do it because the book says so. They have this weird faith in some papers, but they can't actually tell you about what faith feels like.

Then, there are the "doubters". Honestly, I LOVE them. I do. They are the ones that WANT to believe. They are the ones that explore all possibilities. They are where I (sort of) fit in.

Whichever category you fit it, this is for you for a number of reasons. First, every Christian needs to be able to combat ridicule from others. If someone came to you and said that your God isn't real because of evolution, what would you say? That evolution doesn't exist? If that's the case, maybe this blog isn't for everyone. I firmly believe that education in science and faith will help Christians grow. I also believe Christians must be well versed in science  so that one may not fall for the wrong "facts". I will also explore doubt in God. I don't think our doubts should be buried. We are human! We are VERY curious creatures. By pushing your doubts aside, you give them room in your mind to grow. I am determined to finally look my doubts in the eye. After quite a bit of SCIENCE based study, I have come to find my doubts have no basis in reality. In this blog, I intend to explore science and faith. They have very common ground and continue to support one another. You just have to know where to look and how to interpret the evidence.

Before going too much into that, I'm going to tell you a little about my beliefs as they are now. First, they're still a little shaky. I have some evidence, but my thirst for knowledge is never quenched. I'm sure the farther I go in this study the stronger they will become. To be honest, two years ago at this time, I hated God and everything he stood for. I blamed him for my children being lost. If he had control, he could have stopped it. Then, my world changed, I became pregnant and this one I got to meet. She is GORGEOUS. I look at her in total awe. There is no way that billions of years ago some weird things happened and by chance, this little human came together perfectly. Have you ever thought about how profound genetics are? Every single cell, chromosome, and atom had to align perfectly in her little body to have a healthy little girl in  my life. MILLIONS upon MILLIONS of life giving molecules had to come together EXACTLY the right way for her to be here. So, I started my journey of faith once again. 

All of my life I had hoped there was a way I could make science fit with God. I could see, feel, and know science was real. I had always been taught they were incompatible. However, they aren't. When I was about 15, I knew there was a deity. Not a Christian one, but I knew there was A god. As for science, I had figured that out, too. I believe there was a big bang. I also believe it didn't come from nothing. I also believe in evolution. Very strongly, in fact. Our planet is constantly evolving. Even in the last 2,000 years everything has changed. If God is all-loving, why would he put humans on a planet that would quickly become uninhabitable? He wouldn't. He would make sure we could adapt and overcome our world. So, he had to make sure we could evolve. I don't believe we evolved from apes, but to an extent, we had to. If you don't believe this, tell me why humans are born with a Plica semilunaris.

Through this blog, I hope to help others find what they are looking for. Whether it be help with their faith, evidence they need, or a different perspective on what they already know.